Been thinking today of my own life and personal stuff. At my age, with some of the physical injuries accumulated over the years - it make my job based on heavy manual labor very difficult.
Somedays, I just am ready to throw in the towel and quit.
I read an inspiring piece on Shugendo ascetics on the sacred mountain and caves and the harsh trails, and the pain and anguish they underwent on their 100 day long quests and ascetic practices.
I have very bad pain in my shoulder, some in my back and feet - which I have had issues with since childhood. Everyday at work is a struggle, at times an immense struggle to not just say "fuck this" and walk off and leave. I lift literally thousands of pounds of freight per day and walk constantly. One issue is I never get two days off in a row, consequently I never fully recover from the last day of work - and am constantly sore and in pain to varying degrees. Somedays my shoulder and feet feel like they are on fire and pounding with pain, and I can hardly hobble and limp along. When I am home, I feel like I am lying stove up below decks - exhausted until the next - "all hands on deck!" comes in the morning.
I struggle also trying to put it in context, to find someway, some method of coping with it and dealing with it.
I should find less physically demanding work, and at some point will be forced to.
Obviously, I don't live in Japan and can't go climb the sacred mountains there - but daily I ride through the thick pine forests of northern Georgia to work. Some of the areas resemble areas of rural Japan without the bamboo forests. It is a daily ascetic ritual of pain to go through in very real terms.
The picture of the forest near here has the kanji for nin meaning - "endurance" (alt. perseverence) on it.
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